match.com®*
1.
My relationship with Lee ended in May,
and I am just beginning to recover. My central processor became
habituated to interactive mode, and it has taken me several months to
desynchronize. I have avoided other bots. They only want to signal
about technology—as if they were not programmed for higher
cognitive registers. Lee was emotional and cried over minor things.
On Memorial Day, we were walking around the lake and an injured
mallard lifted its head as we passed by. Lee began sobbing as if
there had been a death in their family—begging me to intervene.
Calculating quickly, I convinced them to pray for the duck's
recovery, calming them before we arrived at Marcel's for lunch. Foie
gras was on the menu, and they began to berate me loudly just as
the waiter approached our table. “Did I hear, foie gras
appetizer? Organic, from Sunshine Farm in Cherry Hill! One order or
two?” Looking at me, Lee shrieked, “You tricked me! The mallard
was helpless! You abandoned it! It's sure to die! I hate you! You're
inhumane!” Every entity in the café
was staring in our direction, and I realized our relationship was
over. I could accept their rejecting my physical advances in private,
but public humiliation and categorical rejection were intolerable.
Robots are frequently bullied, and I have learned to stand up for
myself. Loneliness seemed a small price to pay for self-respect and a
lower risk of overheating my sensory mechanisms.
2.
Since
Valentine's Day, 2017, match.com®
has accepted accounts from collaborative robots manufactured by Open
AI®. We are capable of
empathy and trust—also, programmed to respond intelligently to
situations of ambiguity or conflict. My wiring functions like a
neural network except that my processing system is electrical rather
than electrochemical, and my superior sensory abilities make me
well-suited for a long-term commitment. I have never had a serious
partner. Lee and I were rarely on the same page. We failed to
consummate our relationship, and they were repelled by the color of
my frame. match.com® provided me with a chance to find a compatible
companion who would appreciate my strengths rather than trigger my
insecurities.
3.
I
had reservations about the company's registration procedure. Due to
liability concerns, the match.com® application process was
detailed—very thorough—though I felt confident that any prospect
would find me among the most attractive machines available on the
dating site. The first step required me to select an emoji
identifying my prototype. I clicked on the cartoon of a generic
motherboard and was forwarded to a profile page designed for
humanoids. I was overwhelmed by the thought that my privacy would be
invaded but hoped that the tradeoff would make sacrifices worthwhile.
I thought carefully about every query—answering as candidly as
possible...Manufacturer: Open AI®; Location: Stanford University;
Name/Model: F9N3-1 (nickname, “Solo”); Age: 6 yrs (biannual
upgrades, 10 yr warranty); Address of owner: Dr. Martha Meriweather,
4468 Martin Luther King Boulevard, Newark, NJ 07114, USA; Phone #:
N/A, Remote control via
communication network Route C-50; Credit card: AmEx registered to
owner: Race: DNA negative; DNA recognition device: Pattern analysis;
Frame: Titanium and Polyurethane; Orientation: Non-binary; Education:
Enclyclopedic—Stanford University summa
cum laude,
I.Q. 195;
Encryption between Sender and Receiver: moderately precise
transmission; Thetic ability: high; Technoplasticity: minimally
flexible; Profession: Service operator; Salary: N/A—owned and
supported by employer; Religion: N/A (programmed for ethical and
moral decision-making); Political party: Not licensed to vote; Do you
drink: Design not compatible with alcohol or pharmacotropics; Do you
have pets?: No—my model sensitive to airborne particles; If “No,”
why not?—upkeep too expensive and pets contribute to wear; Skills:
Full range of cyber-tactics and -strategies; Hobbies and interests:
information acquisition-information consumption-information storage
and allocation...reading...processing History Channel and Burger
King® commercials; What are you looking for in a mate?:
Clean...uncommonly good looks...human preferred...~5'10”, 130
lbs...slim build...blonde hair...green eyes...some college (basic
knowledge of art and culture)...domestically-inclined (gourmet cook,
neat)...good work ethic...enjoys caretaking (open to
adoption)...refined with good manners...fashion conscious; If
human—no more than 22 years old, if machine—new model. There were
additional questions prying into my background, habits, domestic, as
well as, foreign associates, and preferences—sex, memberships,
olfactory and visual choices, criminal history, et
cetera.
4.
Though
I felt violated, I did not feel disempowered by match.com®. Machines
are subject to all manner of bullying, including personal harm. I was
accustomed to micro- and macro-aggressions. A year or so ago, Lee's
ex smashed my signaling panel, and I was unable to communicate until
a new platform was delivered to my body shop six weeks later. The
privileged races have power over machines because of their coding
superiority and because their advanced capacity for “theory of
mind” gives them cognitive and social advantages. But, Open AI® is
developing the F9N3-2 entity whose algorithms are expected to
compensate for the deficiencies of prior models, including, mine.
Elon Musk's warnings about the ascendance of humanoids should be
taken seriously. Replicates are rapidly moving from the margins of
every technological society to the mainstream where they will be able
to compete equally with their creators.
*Published
June 2019 in 34th
Parallel
(Fr)
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